


i liked it (you)

by markohasaskullearring



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27130804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markohasaskullearring/pseuds/markohasaskullearring
Summary: Bill waited until Ted’s laughter finally slowed before continuing,“I need you to come with me and be my boyfriend.”Ted looked up at him with this mystified, starstruck expression and Bill felt his cheeks heat up and suddenly it’s way too hot in here and he’s trying desperately to correct himself,“Fake boyfriend! Fake! Because I’m not actually. Gay. With you.” He snapped his mouth shut as quickly as it had opened because he’s absolutely sure he sounds so stupid.Ted got this weird little smile on his face, and he moved to get up, cheeks still slightly pink from laughing so hard and his hair is just slightly out of place, and he leaned a little closer to Bill.“Alright then, babe.” He snorted a little right after, and that was pretty much the only thing that signified it as a joke because he then got up and walked to the kitchen.Bill was totally frozen where he sat, and he felt like his face was getting impossibly hotter.Why was his stomach twisting like that? And why did he like that?
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 24
Kudos: 158
Collections: billen ted





	i liked it (you)

So maybe it had been a bad idea to let slip at work that he was living with someone, and then say “no, it’s not a  _ wife, _ ” and sound most egregiously offended when he said that. 

Actually, Bill should count himself lucky that his job supported gay folks, and didn’t fire him on the spot, because he  _ knows _ that he and Ted need the money. For that, he feels kind of obligated to tell Ted, but it’s  _ almost _ easier to just sit on the couch and settle in deep regret for a bit. 

So yeah, now Bill’s boss thinks he is an outed homosexual man, which he is  _ not _ . 

He totally likes the bodacious....ness of babes.

Yeah, Bill likes girls. 

It’s not exactly that he’s offended that he’s been read as gay because he’ll admit it, his fashion taste is either hit or miss most of the time, and considering being able to tell if someone is gay is based mostly on how they dress, it’s a fair assumption. 

It’s just kind of awkward that he’ll now have to ask Ted to go with him to his Holiday party, and that is going to be most atypical. 

_ Okay _ , so maybe inviting Ted to things is not  _ most _ atypical after all. 

He normally invited Ted to anything he could because honestly, any situation was better with Ted, and also because he couldn’t mentally picture Ted alone at home, probably burning the Kraft mac ’n cheese. 

It just kind of made him sad. 

Then Ted would call up to work asking for him to come back, and then he would pretend to be miffed for his coworkers, but secretly be relieved as soon as he stepped foot in the car. Then he’d go home and Ted and he would order takeout and listen to some Van Halen or watch some absolutely triumphant movie together. 

Actually, the more Bill thought about it, the more he realized that he’d implied he was of the  _ non- _ straight variety. 

He dragged his hand down his face, literally every time he talked about Ted running through his mind. 

_ “No dude, I can’t come into work today, Ted has caught the most odious stomach flus, and he won’t let anyone else hold his hair back,”  _

_ Yeah _ , that’s the one that put the nail in the coffin. He groaned and threw his head back onto the couch. 

The squeaky door upstairs creaked and Bill her the familiar little ‘ _ thump thump thump’ _ of Ted’s feet down the stairs. 

“Bill, dude? You alright?” Ted’s head of thick black hair turned the corner and his big puppy dog eyes soon followed. Bill sighed. 

“Yes my outstanding friend, I am alright physically,” He sighed and continued, “although mentally I am most conflicted.” 

Ted ambled into the room and flopped down on the couch next to Bill with a yawn. 

“Bogus,” He murmured before turning those brown eyes on Bill. 

“So, what has you all out of sorts my friend?” He asked, rubbing his cheek as if he had been drooling in his sleep. Bill’s knowledge of his friend told him he had in fact been, but he refrained from commenting.

“Remember my job?”

“At Pretzels ‘N Cheese?” Ted furrowed his eyebrows and Bill felt like he was watching him think.

“No, dude, my new one.”

“Oh, I understand.” Ted did not in fact understand, but Bill did not point this out either. 

“Anyway, they’re having a holiday party and-“ 

He looked over with a pained look in his eyes and tried not to stumble over his words.

“You know gay people? My office thinks I’m that.” He paused awkwardly before continuing. “Gay, I mean.” 

Bill gnawed his lip, trying to figure out how to continue. 

Ted sucked his cheeks in and looked Bill up and down thoughtfully. 

“To be fair, you do have the most triumphant-“

“Ted, dude, let me at least pretend to still possess even a fraction of my no-longer-intact dignity.” 

“Okay,” Ted’s face scrunched up with mirth as he tried to stifle a laugh.

He took a deep breath before all the words come tumbling out right on each other’s heels. 

“ _ Theythinkthatwearegaytogetherandtheywantmetobringyouwithme. _ ” 

His eyes are wide and his mouth is dry, and before he can really worry, Ted started to wheeze with laughter. 

Ted had tears streaming down his face and he’s grabbing his sides, and Bill started to laugh too. Of course, Ted’s not gonna freak out, he’s Ted. They’re Bill and Ted. 

“Dude how did they even-” Ted choked out between great heaving laughter. He bowled over finally and his face is at Bill’s ankles, and Bill thought (in a  _ totally _ heterosexual way of course) that he should stay with Ted forever because no one would ever get him as much as Ted does. 

Bill waited until Ted’s laughter finally slowed before continuing, 

“I need you to come with me and be my boyfriend.” 

Ted looked up at him with this mystified, starstruck expression and Bill felt his cheeks heat up and suddenly it’s  _ way _ too hot in here and he’s trying  _ desperately  _ to correct himself, 

“ _ Fake _ boyfriend! Fake! Because I’m not actually. Gay. With you.” He snapped his mouth shut as quickly as it had opened because he’s absolutely sure he sounds so stupid. 

Ted got this weird little smile on his face, and he moved to get up, cheeks still slightly pink from laughing so hard and his hair is just slightly out of place, and he leaned a little closer to Bill. 

“Alright then,  _ babe _ .” He snorted a little right after, and that was pretty much the only thing that signified it as a joke because he then got up and walked to the kitchen. 

Bill was totally frozen where he sat, and he felt like his face was getting impossibly hotter. 

Why was his stomach twisting like that? And why did he  _ like _ that? He shouldn’t like that. It was  _ Ted _ who said it. 

_ Hello external Bill?  _ His brain yelped,  _ Anyone home? That’s your best friend Ted? Not some totally bodacious babe! Knock it off! _

He blinked a couple of times trying to shake off the weird fluttery feeling in his chest. He was just confused. Probably because he’d been single for so long. 

Yeah, that was it. He ran to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. 

He was fine, just a little bit confused and flustered. Well, at least that solves that problem.

Bill had a fake date.

0-0-0-0-0-0

He thought Ted was making a funny joke at first, like a one-time thing, but now Ted won’t quit calling him babe, and  _ wow _ , good thing they don’t ever go anywhere with other people because that would be way too complicated to explain. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

_ “Hey, babe, pass me the cereal.” _

0-0-0-0-0-0

_ “Hey babe, are you gonna be back by five tonight?”  _

0-0-0-0-0-0

_ “Pick up some milk from the grocery store, okay, babe?”  _

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bill finally broke when Ted leaned past him to grab his soda from out of the Circle K bag and said, “Pardon me,  _ babe _ .” 

It wasn’t really anything different in how he said it, it was totally just the fact that he was so  _ close _ to Bill and probably his brain just short-circuited from how casually Ted placed a very cold hand on Bill’s bicep to steady himself. 

Emphasis on his hand being  _ cold _ . 

He made a strangled noise before leaping back and dropping his own bottled soda onto the floor and bounced away under the table. He watched it roll away with wide eyes before jerking his face over to Ted. 

“Bill?” Ted looked at him a bit funny. “Are you doing alright, dude? You’ve been acting most heinously since the other day.” 

“Which day?” Bill mumbled dumbly, realizing instantly how absolutely atypical he sounded. Ted slowly set down his drink onto the counter like he was afraid of startling Bill. He reached his hand forward to place on Bill’s forehead. 

“Dude, are you like coming down with something?” He asked, suddenly concerned. 

Bill dodged the hand before answered with a question of his own.

“Why do you keep calling me babe?” Ted looked most bamboozled for a second and then he smiled. 

“Oh, I thought you were getting sick. This is a  _ most _ resplendent turn of events,” 

Ted laughed a little before continuing, “How are we supposed to pretend to be dating if we just act the same as we always do? Don’t couples act differently around each other than the close companions such as ourselves?” 

Bill thought for a moment before suddenly realizing what Ted said made sense. 

“Ohh, dude. That is a totally triumphant idea! You’re so smart, Ted,” He laughed out. 

Ted retrieved Bill’s soda before placing it in the sink. 

He slowly turned the cap just a little, letting the pressure dissipate. 

It squeaked quietly in the background as Ted looked over at Bill thoughtfully. 

“What?” Bill studied Ted’s face trying to figure out what the latter was thinking. 

Ted drummed his fingers a couple of times on the counter before finally saying, “You’re gonna have to call me something, too.” 

Bill felt his stomach squirm nervously. “Why can’t you just be the sappy one?” He asked, and he felt it was apparent that he was grasping at straws. 

Ted rolled his eyes. “Obviously,” he stated, exasperated, “if they think you’re gay, you had to have been convincingly  _ gushy _ about me, or else they would have just thought we were two best friends partaking in the perfectly reasonable leasing of an apartment.” 

_ Or,  _ Bill’s brain supplied,  _ maybe two guys in their mid-twenties don’t share apartments unless they’re totally weird and gay about it.  _

Bill nodded instead of voicing this thought out loud. “I guess.” He agreed. 

Ted sat down at the kitchen table and set Bill’s now decarbonated soda at his spot across the table from himself, inviting him to sit down. Bill walked over wordlessly. 

“Baby?” Ted asked, uncapping his soda and taking a drink. 

“I am  _ not _ calling you baby,” Bill said, still miffed about both his drink and the fact that he got himself into this mess. 

“Amore~” Ted crooned in a terrible Spanish accent. Bill just gave him a  _ look _ in response. 

Ted sighed and started to list whatever popped into his head. 

“Sweetie? Honey? Cupcake? Jelly bean?” 

Bill made a face at that last one, lowering his brow in confusion. 

“Ted, these are getting to be most unusual nicknames.” 

Ted sighed apologetically. 

“Sorry, Bill. I am egregiously famished.” 

A short silence. 

“Muffin?” Ted asked. 

“Ted, just get something to eat!” Bill groaned, rubbing his temples. 

Ted opened up a bag of Doritos and started to eat, and stared at Bill, who was currently trying to get the cap off of his Pepsi. 

Ted chewed thoughtfully. 

“I am stumped, my most excellent colleague.” 

0-0-0-0-0-0

It isn’t till later that Bill figures out the best nickname for Ted. He came home from work and he leans over where Ted is sat on the couch to ruffle his friend’s hair. 

“Hey, Angel,” He said as confidently as he could, and he watched Ted’s face pinken. 

“That’s a great one,” Ted laughed easily, and Bill wondered how his friend was so  _ good _ . 

0-0-0-0-0-0

Everything is falling into place. They’ve got two weeks to get convincing, and then they can drop the whole thing for good. 

Bill tried not to think about how disappointed he would be when Ted stopped calling him babe. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

“Ted. Dude.” 

“Bill. Dude,” Ted echoed back, a smile on his face.

“We’re gonna have to hold hands,” Bill looked at Ted, nervous. That’s gonna be the final straw, and he’s scared Ted’s gonna make fun of him. 

It seems like every time Bill is afraid, Ted knows, and he goes out of his way to make sure Bill knows he would never hurt him. 

Ted sat down next to Bill on the couch and scooped Bill’s hand into his own. “Okay, babe, what’s next?” He asked, and Bill tried not to focus the scratchy-softness of Ted’s calloused finger pads against his palm and inner wrist. 

Bill didn’t trust himself to speak an entire sentence, and so all he murmured was, “Oh. Thanks.” Ted hummed in response and pressed play on his walkman laying on the coffee table. 

He sat back and listened to Van Halen’s version of “You Really Got Me” float across the room. 

Ted’s scratchy thumb swiped across the back of his hand, and his breath hitched. 

_ Oh fuck _ . 

Bill’s made a huge mistake. 

_ Yeah, _ he thinks, sneaking a glance at Ted, who’s relaxed with his head tilted back,  _ You really got me. _

0-0-0-0-0-0

Sometimes if he and Ted are sitting next to each other, Ted will take his pinkie finger and prod Bill’s hand with it until Bill will lift up his palm so that Ted can slide his hand there.

Each time he does it, Bill reminds himself that it’s all for show, and each time he does it, Bill lets him anyway. 

He lets his heart get all soft and pink and he smiles a little. 

He’ll look over at Ted, who’s not even looking up because he’s trying as hard as he can to make it all seem casual. 

Ted’s such a good actor. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

They’re hanging out with Liz and Joanna again, and they’re sitting next to each other across from Liz and Joanna when Ted said, “Hey can you pass the salt, babe?” 

Bill doesn’t even bat an eye before reaching for it and suddenly he realizes that both of the girls are staring at them with these wild, excited expressions. 

It takes him a minute before realizing why they’re looking back and forth at each other and then back to Bill and Ted. 

“So,” Joanna begins, looking over to where Bill is holding the salt awkwardly, and Ted is still more concerned about his non-seasoned fries than about the fact that he called Bill babe. 

Bill shakes his head frantically before handing Ted the salt and says, “Whatever you happen to be contemplating, I can assure you that this,” He motioned to him and Ted, “is not that.” 

Ted suddenly realizes what he did, and Bill can tell because Ted is suddenly trying to slide under the table with embarrassment and Elizabeth is crying with laughter. 

“You two finally worked through your repressed feelings?” Joanna asks, as politely as one can ask. 

Bill doesn’t really want to ask what that means but Ted seems to already know and he shook his head frantically no. 

“Ted what does that me-” He starts, but Ted grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed. 

Bill jolted hard but didn’t say anything. 

Ted looked a little afraid and now Joanna looked  _ most _ flustered and wasn’t making eye contact with Bill  _ or _ Ted, and her sister was suddenly very interested in her french fries. 

Bill reached up with his other hand and picked up a french fry. 

“My work thinks I’m gay with Ted, and now I have to bring him in for a holiday party,” He explained rigidly, tossing the fry into his mouth. 

The babes nodded quietly, and Bill can’t help but feel egregiously stupid. 

It eventually got less uncomfortable, but Ted still doesn’t let go of Bill’s hand. 

Bill tried not to think about it. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

“Ted, what do you wear to a holiday party?” 

Bill is totally out of his depth here, and he’s feeling non-non-heinous. 

“Not jeans,  _ babe _ .” Comes Ted’s muffled voice from where he’s sitting in the closet trying to find shoes. 

Bill’s face heats a little but he responds indignantly, “What’s wrong with jeans?” 

Ted fell out of the closet onto the floor and looked up at him with an unamused expression. 

“You don’t own any without rips in them?” 

Bill laughed and mimed kicking at him. Ted rolled out of the way easily with a huff of laughter. 

“Ted, you bonehead, I totally have at least one pair without rips,” 

“Nuh-uh.” Ted stood up and dusted himself off. 

“Yuh-huh,” Bill said, holding up the one pair of jeans he owns that are  _ not _ in-fact ripped. 

“Bill, those are mine.” 

Bill furrowed his brow and he looked over at the jeans again. 

“They are? They  _ do _ look quite abundant in length,” and suddenly he recalls wearing them to work last week and he flushes. 

“They are,” Ted snorted back. 

“I’m gonna wear them anyway,” Bill decided, laying them out on the bed. Ted looked at them a little oddly before starting to mess with his fingernails. 

“I’m gonna steal one of your sweaters then,” Ted responded, and he turned and pulled out a tan sweater that Bill’s absolutely  _ positive  _ came from one of Missy’s Christmas parties because who else would flamboyantly stitch glittery white snowflakes along the hemline? 

Actually, he’s most relieved it’s  _ that _ one and not the one that Missy knitted with his name on it. 

While his work was accepting of his supposed gay relationship, he’s not exactly sure where they draw the line at with regard to how gay he’s  _ allowed _ to be. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

Bill decides on a white dress shirt and a purple sweater vest, more because  _ he _ thinks it’s absolutely bodacious on him, and less because Ted said it would. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

They’re sitting in the van and Bill is feeling very awkward and most heinous. 

“Ted, dude, do we walk in holding hands?” Bill asked apprehensively, turning to look at his friend. 

Ted shrugged his shoulders and gave an easy sounding laugh. 

“Do you want us to walk in holding hands?” Ted asked as if it’s a perfectly normal thing to ask a best friend. He turns the key and kills the engine before popping his door open. 

Bill followed suit quickly, not wanting to be left behind. 

“I think it would look most peculiar if we didn’t,” Bill reasoned, walking around to Ted’s side of the van. 

Ted laced his fingers together with Bill’s easily and Bill felt his heart stutter in response. He feels suddenly like he’s been living a lie. 

“Ted, what if we have to kiss?” He stopped suddenly. 

Ted looked at him funny and Bill was glad it was dark outside already because he could feel his cheeks burning. 

“Dude, they’re not gonna ask us to kiss. That’d be totally heinous and a non-professional thing to ask.” 

Ted sounded uncertain. 

Bill nodded. 

“I suppose that makes sense,” He squeezed Ted’s hand tightly and they walked in together. 

0-0-0-0-0-0

The day after the work event was absolutely egregious.

Ted was acting most strangely, and Bill couldn’t figure out what was up with him. 

He’d asked Ted a total of  _ three _ times what his deal was, and Ted had shaken his head vehemently and told Bill nothing was wrong. 

He heard the tell-tale spilling of macaroni noodles, and he knew it was time to enact the plan. 

Sure, it wasn’t exactly a plan, it was more of just, ‘corner Ted and make him explain’, but hey, whatever works. 

He slowly crept through the hallway and fixed his eyes on Ted’s back. 

He swallowed hard and stepped in, closing the door behind him. It shut with a click and Ted turned around like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Ted did resemble a deer in many aspects. He had long skinny legs that he often tripped over, and he had those  _ big _ brown eyes-

Which are  _ not _ important right now, Bill had to remind himself. 

“Ted,”

“There’s nothing wrong.” Ted countered. 

“I didn’t say anything yet, dude!” Bill huffed in response. When Ted didn’t respond he continued, “It is  _ most _ incriminating of you to refute that which has not been brought up.” 

Bill sat down at the table, and Ted stayed over by the counter. 

“Ted, please tell me what’s wrong,” Bill said, and he could feel himself growing more nervous by the minute. He  _ knew _ he shouldn’t have invited Ted to that stupid holiday party. He fucked everything up so bad. It was so dumb to have assumed that it wouldn’t make things awkward. 

Ted stayed silent over by the stove, where he was slowly picking up the dry macaroni noodles up out of the pot. His shoulders were hunched, and  _ fuck _ Bill felt awful. 

“I don’t mean to pressure you, dude. I just wanna know how I can fix it,” He offered helplessly. 

Ted dropped another couple of noodles back in the box. 

“You can’t fix it,” He mumbled, and Bill could see the tips of his ears turn red. 

“Why not?” Bill asked, actually just relieved that Ted was talking to him. 

“You make it sound like it’s a fixable problem,” Ted paused to pick up some noodles he’d dropped on the ground. 

“It’s not really a fixable thing.” He continued after a moment. 

Bill looked at him curiously, heart in his throat. 

“What is it?” 

Ted looked at him with a pained expression. 

“Was it the party? I’m sorry I called you Angel, like, excessively, it’s just that we did not discuss the level of how mushy I was supposed to be with you and I didn’t know  _ exactly _ where to draw the-”

“I liked it,” Ted said softly, and Bill could see Ted’s whole face was red now, not  _ just _ the tips of his ears. 

Bill felt his brain tip sideways and he lowered his brows in confusion. 

“You liked...what?” 

Ted nervously started picking up noodles again. 

“Forget I said-” 

Suddenly it clicked for Bill. 

“Angel?” 

Ted froze. 

“You liked it when I called you Angel?” 

It was still for another moment and Ted nodded his head slowly. 

“Dude, why would you like it when I called you Angel?” Bill didn’t want to hope for too much, but the more Ted spoke, the more hopeful Bill got. 

He stood up and moved closer to Ted. 

“Dude why would you want me to call you Angel? Ted tell me-” 

“Why do you want to know?” Ted countered, leaning toward Bill.

Bill felt his stomach jump and he forced himself not to react. 

“I want to know because you’ve been...acting most peculiarly,” Bill cursed himself for the cop-out answer. He had the true one just on the tip of his tongue, and he couldn’t make himself spit it out. 

Ted softly crowded Bill toward the counter, and Bill let himself be corralled in as his breath quickened. 

“Is that really why?” Bill suddenly found himself being the one questioned, and he didn’t know how to answer. 

Bill grabbed Teds wrists. 

“No, it’s not.”

Ted leaned down, gentle and nervous. He cupped Bill’s face gently. 

“I’m gonna kiss you, okay?” He stopped just in front of Bill’s lips. 

“Tell me to stop,” Ted whispered. 

Bill surged forward to press his lips against Ted’s, soft and slow. He felt Ted inhale sharply before relaxing, and Ted slowly pushed Bill’s arms back to the counter. 

Bill pulled away, fully content to just stand there with Ted forever. 

“Whoa, dude.” 

“Babe.” Ted corrected with a grin. 

Bill smacked Ted’s arm gently. “You gotta earn the right to call me babe, now,” He laughed, “You made me worry.” 

“How can I make it up to you?” Ted gave a soft little giggle, his cheeks dusted pink. 

“How about you take me on a date?”

“Does Circle-K count for a date?”

Bill thought a moment. “If you’re paying.” 

“Low blow,” Ted laughed, but leaned forward to give Bill a peck on the lips (just because he could) and continued, “but you’re worth it.” 

Bill smiled easily and reached for Ted’s hand.

“Let’s go, Ted.” 

So maybe Bill was a little gay for Ted. A lot gay for Ted. Whatever. 

It totally was the best idea for Bill to let slip that he was living with someone.    
  


No, it wasn’t a wife. 

It was Ted, which was  _ all _ and more than he wanted. 

  
  
  



End file.
